Monday, July 6, 2009

Prayers Please **UPDATED

UPDATE: Thanks to everyone for your comments and prayers. I have really felt lifted up by prayer and the past couple days have not been as hard as expected. I was able to schedule my D&C for Friday at 10:45 am, so please say some prayers that all will go well. This is my first and it definitely makes me nervous!

A little less than a month ago, with a mixture of joy and much trepidation, I found myself holding a positive pregnancy test. We were cautiously optimistic that perhaps the third time was the charm. We hoped that the endo that was removed back in January was the cause of my previous miscarriages and that I would now be able to carry to term. My NAPRO doctor has been watching me like a hawk, and though my HCG levels have steadily increased, the ultrasound just doesn’t lie.

For the past three Mondays we have gone in for ultrasounds. The first was right at the 6 week mark. We clearly saw the fetal sac, but nothing more. We tried to hope for the best, since it may have been a bit too early to see the baby, but considered ourselves warned. At seven weeks, we had a second ultrasound that showed the same. A fetal sac with no yolk sac, no baby, no heartbeat. The next morning happened to be our first ob visit with Dr. B at T.epayac. We decided to keep the appointment. While the nurse was taking my vitals, Dr. B opened the door with a big smile on his face to say hi to us before he headed off to see another patient. We let the nurse know about our ultrasound so Dr. B wouldn’t come in dancing for joy as you patients of his can probably imagine him doing. Instead he came into the room with much concern and immediately came over to hug me. He thought we should have one more ultrasound just to be sure, but estimated that there was about a 90% chance that I would miscarry. That afternoon my NAPRO doctor’s office called and said that the fetal sac had not grown in the week between ultrasounds, but they also wanted me to do just one more.

So first thing this morning we headed in for our Monday ritual and unfortunately there was no change. Luckily we had a very compassionate ultrasound tech who had some fertility problems herself. She offered lots of words of consolation and encouragement. At the end she asked to hold my hands explaining that someone had done this for her. She said she was done having babies and wanted to pass her turn along to me (or something like that). Then she closed her eyes and I think she was praying, but who knows!

We decided to name our baby Hope because of the hope that he or she gave us that we will one day carry home a baby of our own.

I am going to try to schedule a D&C for later in the week. I don’t really want a D&C, but even more than I don’t want to go through that procedure, I don’t want to miscarry next week…on vacation…at the beach…with my husband’s entire family (40+ people) around. We lost our first baby while we were visiting his family over Thanksgiving and it was so difficult to go through such a private moment of suffering so “publicly.” So please say some prayers for my husband and I as we grapple with this new loss and try to find healing and hope. Also please pray that I will have a safe and successful D&C.

“Naked I came forth from my mother's womb, and naked shall I go back again. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD!” Job 1:21b

14 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry. I just prayed for you and will continue to keep you in my prayers.

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  2. Tucked,
    I am so, so sorry for your loss. I think Hope is a perfect name for your little baby. I pray that you will be able to find comfort from our Lord during this time. Also, I didn't know that you saw Dr. B! I can't imagine a more perfect doctor to help you during this time and through the rest of this journey. Many, many prayers to you and your husband.

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  3. I am so sorry for your loss. Hope is a beautiful name. Prayers are being said for you.

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  4. I'm just devastated for you. Truly. I wish there was something more to say that doesn't sound cliche. I'm so sorry for your loss and will be lifting you up in prayer.

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  5. I am so sorry. Praying for healing for you and your DH.

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  6. Oh no. I am truly so sorry for your loss. I cannot even begin to imagine going through 3 miscarriages. I am sorry for your pain and suffering. I will offer up prayers tonight for you and your husband.

    I hope that we can meet in person sometime soon! Peace to you...

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  7. You have our prayers... much love to you both.

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  8. We love you guys and are praying for you. If there is anything else we can do, please let us know. Although our crosses aren't manifesting themselves in exactly the same way, know that we carry ours in solidarity with you. May you feel buoyed up by the grace of the Holy Spirit and the love of Christ.

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  9. I'm so sorry to hear about this. You're in my prayers.

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  10. I am so sorry to hear about this. I am just so greived for you all. We will definitely be praying for you all and a safe D&C. I don't know if you know this or not but I remember hearing when I had a MC that there is a medicine you can take that causes the contractions to start if you don't want to have a D&C. My doctor had offered it to me along with pain med.s so as not to have it be to painful. My doctor new I wanted to have it all happen naturally and that is why it was offered to me. I just thought I would mention this route just in case you hadn't heard of it.
    Be assured of our many prayers for you and your family. Hope is a very beautiful name :)
    (((hugs)))
    ~Amber

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  11. If you don't mind me asking.. I just read a comment you left on GIMH's blog where you said you left Dr. B to see a Napro doc. Is there a Napro doc in this area or is it long distance? I am also at a stage where I might be looking to move on and so that really got me interested!

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  12. I'm sorry that you had to go through this and I hope your D&C was uncomplicated. I'll be praying for you.

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  14. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss! I've experienced two early miscarriages so I know the pain you must be experiencing! You will be in my thoughts and prayers for an uncomplicated D&C this week. I've been following your blog for awhile, but don't know that I've been back to the beginning. Have you been tested for the MTHFR gene or any other blood clotting disorders? I've been working with a NaPro doctor in St. Louis who has found a very high percentage of his patients he has tested with recurrent miscarraiges have been positive for the MTHFR genetic mutation that can cause miscarriages. I did test positive and my doctor is treating me with high doses of vitamins B6, B12 and folic acid as well as a daily baby aspirin. This may not be the best time, but I wanted to mention it in case you wanted to look into it. Please know that my thoughts are with you!

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